But there's a few big problems with that; namely that the movie turns the trans experience into a literal horror story in which gender confirmation surgery is repurposed to inflict, what the movie suggests, is a fate worse than death, performed by a crooked doctor who honed her skills by kidnapping and "mutilating" homeless people. Dr. Jane claims it's due to toxic masculinity and that she has "liberated" Frank from his "macho prison." Video: The Assignment Trailer Is Cheesy, Offensive Action! Copyright © 2005-2020. You were given multiple opportunities to pump the breaks on this idea; to decide "Hey, wait a minute, this was a garbage idea that never needed to exist as anything other than a fleeting moment of my dumb imagination.". When we meet Frank he's played by Michelle Rodriguez from The Fast and the Furious and "Oh yeah, Michelle Rodriguez was in Lost..." fame. Frank gets double-crossed by some mobsters, who are actually working for Dr. Jane. Why? | Perez Hilton, Charli D'Amelio Is Faking It! You think about it for a little while, write multiple drafts. Michelle always knew she was destined to become a star, she just didn't know how to get there. Hill admitted that he has a "limited understanding" of trans rights issues, so it's extra-puzzling that he would attempt to tackle such a sensitive issue with all the sensitivity of a gorilla juggling chainsaws. | Perez Hilton, Megan Fox Is A Wackadoodle! Speaking of, now that we’ve learned more about the film, it’s worth noting that just because a male assassin gets his dick chopped off by a mad scientist (Sigourney Weaver), that does NOT suddenly make him transgender. Human actors will say your words out loud while skilled technicians record them. Tony Shalhoub is Dr. Ralph Galen, who is interrogating her, Usual Suspects-style, for some reason. An idea pops into your brain. Anyway, feel free to appreciate Rodriguez’s full frontal female genitalia (below)! Copyright © 2020 PerezHilton.com | All Rights Reserved, The System Is Rigged For Charli D'Amelio To Succeed! Michelle Rodriguez hit the beach and showed off her new hairy arm pits. And to truly capture the raw emotion of her male character seeing his new female body for the first time, the actress bared it ALL in the film’s pinnacle scene! Hill decided to take the core idea and rewrite it as a pulpy thriller about a badass assassin, initially for a comic book series published in France. Allowing him to grab a gun and do, well, this: All of which inadvertently wades into the transphobic suggestion that Frank is ultimately better off just accepting the body he's clearly not comfortable in, because boobs. The film was originally called (Re)Assignment (get it?) Saban FilmsAll things considered, there are far worse ways to open a movie. They made this goddamn thing, but sadly there is no wing in the Oscar museum for patently absurd movie ideas that came to painful fruition. You invest years into this project, possibly neglecting personal relationships while you pour yourself into your writing. Saban FilmsLed by a guy who seemingly underwent Huey Lewis-ification surgery. Michelle always knew she was destined to become a star, she just didn't know how to get there. The trans community already has to put up with unnecessarily cruel forms of systemic discrimination, presumably depicting a vital (often frustratingly unattainable) medical procedure as a Jigsaw-like torture technique isn't helping. Known for tough-chick roles, Michelle is proof that there is a cross between beauty and brawn. Hill responded to the controversy by claiming that the movie can't be transphobic because Frank is "not transgender." Skin, Frank Kitchen (a.k.a. In a new clip obtained by Mr. Mayte Michelle Rodriguez was born on July 12, 1978 in San Antonio, Texas to Carmen Milady Pared Espinal, a Dominican housewife & Rafael Rodríguez Santiago, a Puerto Rican U.S. Army solider. One, this wasn't directed by a 14-year-old Tarantino fan who learned everything they know about human sexuality from South Park, it was made by the legendary Walter Hill, the guy who produced Alien and directed action classics such as 48 Hours, The Driver, and The Warriors. We Can’t Believe This Dumb Movie Is Real: Behold, ‘The Assignment’, Australia Fined NASA For Littering ... A Space Station, The Murder Dollhouses That Changed Forensic Science, Creepy Discoveries That People Stumbled Into, The Brutal Battle of Chuck E. Cheese v. ShowBiz Pizza, The Scientific Formula For Making Friends (Seriously), unnecessarily cruel forms of systemic discrimination, "manages to accomplish trans erasure and insult trans people while issuing no direct comment about the transgender community. You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter! Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Michelle Rodriguez says she'll probably return for more 'Fast & Furious' Michelle Rodriguez says Vin Diesel will probably convince her to return to Fast & Furious Movies // September 11, 2017 Saban FilmsPresumably so streaming sites would place it next to the equally-nuanced examination of gender identity that is Ladybugs. Saban Films"Would you like to hear my opinions on butthole hands?". It's truly amazing that this feature-length film exists and was conceived and completed by actual adult human beings likely capable of self-doubt and introspection. She also later claims that she wanted to give Frank a "second chance." The original script, Tom Boy, sounds like one of the decade's many Death Wish rip-offs; a "juvenile delinquent" rapes and murders the wife of a plastic surgeon who later, according to Hill, "captures him and performs a genital-alteration operation ... he feminizes him and then releases him into the world." In the end, Sigourney Weaver gets a big closing monologue addressing Shalhoub, in which she for some reason references a beloved children's book, intoning: "Good night moon. Halsey is NOT happy with her Grammys nomination sn, George Clooney claims he uses a Flowbee to cut his, This was unexpected!! Then in the very final moments, we learn that Frank cut Dr. Jane's fingers off so she would never be able to practice revenge medicine ever again. Tomboy) rips off his surgery bandages and lays eyes on his new body — featuring Rodriguez’s very real lady bits (yup, we mean everything) — and lets out a wail only fit for a B-list action flick. But thanks to the raging opiate that is unchecked creative self-confidence, we still get movies like The Assignment, which stars Michelle Rodriguez as a hitman who, uh, forcibly undergoes sex reassignment surgery thanks to a vengeful doctor. Yeah, that's the actual premise. Cracked is published by Literally Media Ltd., Presumably so streaming sites would place it next to the equally-nuanced examination of gender identity that is. Mayte Michelle Rodriguez was born on July 12, 1978 in San Antonio, Texas to Carmen Milady Pared Espinal, a Dominican housewife & Rafael Rodríguez Santiago, a Puerto Rican U.S. Army solider. Titan ComicsElevator pitch: "It's like Oldboy, but with prosthetic dongs! Yeah, that's the actual premise. ", Eventually Hill turned it into a movie, but retained a faux-comic book sensibility for certain scenes, employing the same "just got a laptop with iMovie" aesthetic he used in the movie-ruining "Ultimate Director's Cut" of The Warriors. Led by a guy who seemingly underwent Huey Lewis-ification surgery. Cracked is published by Literally media Ltd.. And check out the podcast Rewatchability. And was, we're guessing, bitten by Jared Leto on the last full moon. But it's also clearly supposed to be a form of punishment in retaliation for killing her brother. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the idea for The Assignment was hatched, not in the 21st century, but back in 1978 by a writer named Denis Hamill. 5.9m Followers, 187 Following, 1,079 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Michelle Rodriguez (@mrodofficial) Saban FilmsIt's all, frankly, confusing as hell. Saban FilmsAh, the ol' Bugs Bunny seduction technique. Before things go full Tusk, Frank uses his newfound lady-parts to seduce the tragically horny goons. George Clooney Says He Uses A Flowbee To Cut His Hair Himself, And Has 'For 25 Years'! Michelle Rodriguez Goes Full Frontal In New Clip Of The Assignment — See Her Male Hitman Character Learn He Now Has A Vag! It's pure entertainment.". Saban FilmsTheir scenes basically play like bad Hannibal fan-fiction starring the supporting cast of Galaxy Quest. The movie makes us painfully aware that Frank is a dude, as evidenced by the fact that Rodriguez steps out of the shower sporting a prosthetic dong. The movie barrels on through one painfully-awkward set-piece after another, until Frank finally tracks down Dr. Jane, only to get caught by a squad of goons. Copyright ©2005-2020. No one thought that Michelle Rodriguez's Life of Brian-quality beard was a bad idea. In a shocking twist for anyone who A) didn't recognize Michelle Rodriguez, and B) didn't rent the version titled friggin' Ladyguy, Frank has now been transformed into a woman. Well, it's not totally clear. But thanks to the raging opiate that is unchecked creative self-confidence, we still get movies like The Assignment, which stars Michelle Rodriguez as a hitman who, uh, forcibly undergoes sex reassignment surgery thanks to a vengeful doctor. You will willingly embrace the investment of millions of dollars into this idea. After a generic montage featuring blurry images of surgical incisions (like we all experience under sedation) Frank wakes up in a cheap motel room. No one thought they should consult with a member of the trans community, or even that such a thing would be helpful or necessary. Despite a controversial premise, Michelle Rodriguez is going balls to the wall in … ?” scream! | Perez Hilton, Subscribe to our newsletter for the latest celebrity gossip. But it was made way back in the less-enlightened time of [checks notes] ... 2016. Hill bought the rights to the script but forgot all about it. Mayte Michelle Rodriguez was born on July 12, 1978 in San Antonio, Texas to Carmen Milady Pared Espinal, a Dominican housewife & Rafael Rodríguez Santiago, a Puerto Rican U.S. Army solider. Copy/paste this link to re-w, Officials found a huge metal monolith in a rural p, Kevin Hart is catching heat on social media for a, Kristin Cavallari had a LOT to say in a recent win, she plays a hitman who undergoes gender reassignment surgery. Well, at least we know this movie doesn’t plan on taking itself seriously. Thanks for connecting! ", We Can’t Believe This Dumb Movie Is Real: 'Assassin 33 A.D.', You Can Still Score Black Friday Savings On This Pop-Up Cabin, 'Brazilian Waxing' Became Popular Because Pubic Hair is Legally Too Sexy, The Craziest 'Die Hard' Sequel is a Forgotten Comic Book. Known for tough-chick roles, Michelle is proof that there is a cross between beauty and brawn. Hamill echoed these sentiments adding that"The last thing we wanted to do was insult anybody. Imagine you're a screenwriter. Which seems way easier than that flipper surgery. All things considered, there are far worse ways to open a movie. Despite a controversial premise, Michelle Rodriguez is going balls to the wall in her new action film The Assignment — in which she plays a hitman who undergoes gender reassignment surgery against his will. Despite its abject awfulness and facepalm-inducing premise, The Assignment has a stellar cast featuring legends such as Sigourney Weaver as Dr. Rachel Jane, a deranged plastic surgeon who is now institutionalized. Then, years later, found the script while literally "rummaging" in his cellar. What do U think, Perezious Readers? Michelle Rodriguez, Actress: Avatar. Saban FilmsWhich seems way easier than that flipper surgery. We think Rodriguez’s scream echos the feelings of all the frustrated transgender people in disbelief that a film like this exists. -- which is at least a tad more restrained than, say reciting all of The Giving Tree but adding "suck on my balls and choke" at the end. Sorry. You must have JavaScript enabled to fill out this form. That way, he won't be able to shoot anyone and the world will be "a safer place." Go fuck yourself Raph." Well, at least we know this movie doesn’t plan on taking itself seriously. Known for tough-chick roles, Michelle is proof that there is a cross between beauty and brawn. but is also known by titles such as Tomboy and Ladyguy. Please complete the reCAPTCHA below to join our email list. You're almost done. John Travolta Thanks Supporters In Emotional Thanksgiving Message Months After Kelly Preston's Death. The fact that, as Hill stresses, there are no trans people in the movie means that it somehow "manages to accomplish trans erasure and insult trans people while issuing no direct comment about the transgender community." Video: The Assignment Trailer Is Cheesy, Offensive Action! And watch the full clip HERE for that dramatic “who gave me this vagina! Gobble Gobble Cinema -- 10 Movies To Devour On Thanksgiving. This might be a good time to address two very important things about this movie. The evil doctor plans to put Frank through yet another procedure, this time she's going to replace Frank's arm with a "flipper ... just like a seal." Despite the fact that it has a distinct straight-to-Redbox vibe, this thing premiered at the prestigious Toronto International Film Festival. Dr. Jane recounts her approximately hour and forty-five story which involves wreaking vengeance on the guy who killed her brother, a hit-man named Frank Kitchen (possibly because the screenwriter was naming all of his characters while simultaneously making a sandwich). Good night room. The second important thing to note about The Assignment is that it was immediately derided for its tone-deaf, transphobic content. You show it to friends, maybe an agent. Is this too cheesy to be offensive?

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